After I had the clear vision of the three timelines/pathways I could choose in response to the frightening medical emergency my Husband, Doug, experienced in January (see the last post), the very next day I had another spiritual experience that was astounding for me.
Again, I found myself at the ocean, my sanctuary lately, sitting in solitude just BEing. I find that when I give myself this precious time to allow all the busy-ness to melt away, I can really open to the messages of Spirit for my life. The ocean waves have been enormous many times this year and to observe the ebb and flow mesmerizes me and puts me into an altered state often.
Add to the magic of the ocean the humpback whales who frequent our Hawaiian waters each year in the winter and we are gifted with the awesome sight of whales breaching, fin slapping and generally frolicking just a few yards from shore. The aquamarine waves are so very beautiful and lull me into letting go while I commune with the whales from my perfect perch above the waters.
On this particular day, the day after I made the choice to choose the middle path of total faith along with commitment to take care of business, I had another life changing experience.
First, let me tell you that fear and financial security has always been my biggest challenge in life. Coming from a large Irish-Catholic dysfunctional (and loving too) family, finances were always a big concern for us. My parents did the best they could and we were always fed, but I remember in my bones my mother’s constant concern and fear that there was never enough. I absorbed her fear and have worked all my life to clear that out of my being.
I believe, with the shift of 2012 and the unfolding energies of this year, that any remnants of dysfunction within us is coming up for us to finally clear to the core. So, though I had thought I had completely cleared my fear, I found it rearing its ugly head during the challenge of January especially since my husband does not have medical insurance and our finances are a bit low at this time.
When we first moved to Hawaii in 1994 and had jumped off the proverbial cliff, all my fear rose up ferociously especially at night while I was sleeping. Usually in the middle of the night I would awaken with a gut wrenching pain in my stomach … it was that dastardly fear! How would we be able to pay our mortgage? How would we really make it?
When that would occur, I would get up, go into the living room and try all my spiritual practices to remove the fear to no avail. Then, in the morning, I would go down to the ocean to swim with the dolphins. Each and every day that I swam with them they would give me this message, “Keep on going. You are totally supported.”
Gradually, over the years, the dolphins and whales helped me to release just about all that fear and I have felt fear free for almost two years now! … until this new challenge came up.
So on this magnificent day at the ocean with the whales gently floating out in the sea in front of me I had another huge awakening.
All of a sudden Spirit (I could even call it God) came right in front of my face. This being asked me if I was willing to completely surrender to my soul? Wow, I had to really allow this to sink in and look at myself to ask that deep question in my heart.
Was I really ready to let go …. to let go of control …. to let go of desire ….to let go of my ego???? I had to spend some time seeking the true answer in my heart. What came to me was … why not? What have I got to lose? I am sure you have heard from the masters and seers that letting go of ego is the true way to enlightenment and inner peace? I knew the wisdom of this and could say the words … but was I really ready to do it?
After a long searching of my heart and soul, I just decided to go ahead and do it!
What appeared to me at that moment was a river flowing gently to the sea. I saw this river as the liquid river of Light that is my soul. I have seen this metaphor representing soul for a long time now and this felt right.
Over the river was a half moon bridge like the ones in the Japanese Tea Gardens. So I climbed up to the top of the bridge and automatically did something that surprised me because it was as if I was watching a movie.
I turned backward on the bridge and allowed myself to actually fall backward into the river with my arms wide open in total surrender! I felt myself landing on top of the swiftly running water and stayed in that position, flowing down the river BACKWARD, allowing the river to take me where it willed!
For a former control freak, that was enormous!!! I totally let go! I surrendered to my soul and the journey that it willed for me.
What a feeling of FREEDOM that oozed into my body from my soul/river! No longer would I have to think things through a hundred times and a million ways to figure out my life. I felt that I could truly trust my soul to guide me forward (or backward to my goal in this case)! I felt that this river was flowing eventually into the Ocean of Love that is the Source. I could let go and just allow it all to happen.
It was clear within me that there was nothing I HAD to do, nothing I had to create, nothing I had to manifest but to just allow. This reminded me of the profound message from the whales that we swam with in Tonga a few years ago. They said to us telepathically, “Allow the unfolding.”
I saw my river as a translucent, shimmering flow of liquid Light that was so beautiful, gentle and of the highest vibration. It was easy to just sink into that feeling and completely surrender to it.
What happened after I totally let go was magical for me … we began to manifest enough abundance to covered Doug’s doctor bills and more! With my choice of the middle path and my surrender to my soul … the abundance began to flow. I have experienced this magic some other times in my life and I love how this works! Letting go and allowing is the feminine energy and that is what is balancing the world now.
I often now, during my days, place myself into that river … especially when life presents challenges. I find that I am living more and more in that freedom and I am resisting judging myself if I am not alwasy conscious of this surrender.
It feels so wonderful and free to let go like that. I hope this story inspires you to let go to your soul too … it is exquisite!